


A silent call for help

by Trash_Planet (orphan_account)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Cas has Issues, Cas needs help, Castiel needs hugs, Cutting, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Helpful Dean, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, Stop Hurting Cas 2k16, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-12
Updated: 2016-10-12
Packaged: 2018-08-20 08:01:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8242168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Trash_Planet
Summary: In which fallen Cas completely loses it and Dean drags him back from the edge





	

I woke up abruptly. Gun in hand before I'd even opened my eyes properly. I followed the noise of things crashing around down to the library. When I got there I saw a frustrated, very angry angel of the lord (Or ex-angel of the lord) picking up lamps and left over whisky bottles and throwing them. Mouth open in a silent scream. 

"Cas?" I hesitate. I've never seen someone so angry before. And to be truthful it was kinda scary. Knowing what Cas could do was very different from potentially being in the way of what Cas could do. Jaw clenched, fists still balled he looked over to me. His eyes were a terrifying silver. 

"What!?" He snapped and I flinched.

"Cas, what'you doing man?" I put the gun away though my instincts tell me differently. 

"What am I doing? I'm being trapped Dean!" He yells and takes another lamp and throws it to the other side of the room

"Cas, stop!" I move forward a step before I'm stopped.

"Stop? No. Dean, these feelings... My blood is boiling. My wings are itching and every tiny minute piece of grace I have left is crackling with energy you cannot comprehend." He's stopped now but I can tell that anything might set him off again.

"Come out with me? I'll help you destroy stuff but not here Cas" I plead and he follows me outside and into the woods. After we get away from the dirt path leading to the bunker he smashes his fist into the nearest tree. I hear the crack of his bones but he doesn't seem to notice. He smacks the same fist into the same tree three, four, five times before I have to stop him or he'd do serious damage. He pays no attention to his now broken fist and instead of smashing his hand into things he starts screaming. A cry so loud and wounded and filled with pain it makes my heart clench. Falling to his knees on the ground he starts crying and saying some stuff in Enochian.

"Cas..." I start but trail off. I know how bad these feeling are. Blood boiling, Screaming, wanting to break every damn thing you can find to replace the feeling of wanting to kill someone. I know that. The Mark's effects still burn fresh in my mind. I move closer to the hunched form on the ground and hear him whisper;

"I feel so trapped Dean. I'm trapped in this vessel on this world with no possible way not to be." He gets up again and I have to catch him before he headbutts the tree.

"Easy, buddy" I embrace him "Easy"

"When was the last time you slept?" I ask

"'M Fine" he mumbles in true Winchester fashion.

"Sure, I bet you feel like a million bucks" I huff and tug him back towards the bunker

"No, I don't. I. No. Dean, No!" He fights and struggles out of my grip, panicking

"Cas, you need to sleep" I try

"No" He pulls half-heartedly but soon gives into exhaustion and lets himself be tugged towards the bunker 

We get in, I take my coat and boots off and Cas does the same. I lead him to his bedroom and set him on the bed after I wrap his and up in a bandage to keep it in place while he slept. A little voice in the back of my mind tells me he's a grown-ass-man and here I am tucking him in. I shake those thoughts away. No, Cas deserved this. 

"My room is just down the hall on the left okay?" I move to shut the door on him but pause when I hear a whimper. 

"Cas?" I open the door further to let the hallway light shine into the room. He doesn't reply. I see him curled up in a ball, hugging his knees and crying silently into the pillow. He lets out a shaky breath and I make a decision.

"Buddy?" I close the door but turn on his beside lamp. He still doesn't reply but he's shuddering harder now and it breaks my heart just a little more. Something so powerful should never be this weak. I wrap him in a hug and let him cry into my neck. 

"I-I'm sorry" he bubbles and I shush him. 

"Don't be" I say softly

"I'm so weak, Dean. I'm a warrior of Heaven. I don't get nightmares, I don't get flashbacks. I was built to fight. I'm not supposed to get PTSD" He sobs and my heart breaks. 

"Cas, You've been through loads more tha-" I start but I'm cut off

"No, Dean. I _put myself _through that. I deserve this for all the injustice I did to Heaven, to Earth."__

His sobs have progressed to a full blown panic attack. I pull him close and rub his back just between his shoulder blades where his wings used to be. After he's calmed down enough I tug him towards the bathroom. I pull his clothes off, just leaving him in his boxers. The bath is warm and filled with bubbles. I go to get the wash cloth when I glance at his upper arms. Some of the scars look old and faded, others look raw and red. Angry. I cast my gaze to the ex-angel in the tub. He is looking down with his legs drawn up to his chest, shame practically radiating from him.

"Cas..." I say softly. Tears threaten to pour from my eyes but I blink them back. Cas had been hurting this badly and I didn't notice? 

"Dean I can practically feel you blaming yourself. Don't" he sighs "What I've done to myself... That was my doing. Nobody forced me to deal like this" He mumbles 

"No! Cas, I should have asked. I should have helped. I knew something was off but. Jesus Christ Cas! Cas you should have come to me" I say as I rub his arms and back with the cloth

""Nobody cares that you're broken, Cas" Your words Dean" His brilliantly blue eyes are filled with sorrow and unshed tears as he finally looks me in the eyes and I mentally kick myself for ever saying that to him. He takes in a shuddered breath.

"I-I can't appear as weak Dean. I'm afraid that once you noticed how badly I got. how weak I am. you'll kick me out. You don't want a broken angel....Too late for that now I guess... I'll pack my stuff tomorrow" He moves to get out of the bath and I take hold of his wrists.

"No, Cas. You're staying here. I mean it you are my family and I'm not letting you think that you're this broken toy of mine. You are not my toy. You're blood. We're blood. I'm not getting rid of you because you're broken" I saw rubbing my thumb over his pulse point. "Damnit Cas. I love you" I feel my cheeks go red but it's important. He's important.

"Dean, I don't need your sympathy and I certainly don't need you to lie to me to make me feel better" He says 

"Cas this isn't a lie. I need you. I love you! I truly do" I kiss his forehead. "Now come here. You must be warned out. Lets get you out and in some nice clean clothes." I usher him out. Once we're dry and in out pajamas we fall asleep together in my bed watching some old 80s movie.


End file.
